my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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