Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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