White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
