Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
