he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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