My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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