Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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