That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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