i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
