He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
