anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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