NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
