I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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