he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
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