don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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