barbara walters just said penis...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
