2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
