Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
