Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
