I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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