a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
