Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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