I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
