Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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