how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this just has baby written all over it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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