Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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