Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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