So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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