i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
