i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
