You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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