I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
