there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
