You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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