wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
