Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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