I have demons in me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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