why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
