I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
