He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
