Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
