I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
