The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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