dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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