i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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