...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
