he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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