I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone signed my nipple.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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