How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
