Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize