i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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