You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
