I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like eating out sand paper
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
