hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
