she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
