I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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