i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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