I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
