Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
