it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
